When Kids Know Too Much

We recently welcomed our 4th child, a daughter . After all the "agony " of being in the hospital for 10 weeks ...everything worked out fine. We are so blessed and she is beautiful. Last night I saw an interesting site that showed me just how much this baby adventure affected my other kids. I walked in on my oldest son and oldest daughter playing. It's a sight that warms my heart whenever I see it. I usually casually smile and walk on by. But something about this play was different. My daughter was laying on the floor with a blanket propped over her chest on some chairs. It looked exactly like when I had my C section. I stopped to listen. I heard that my girl was going to have a baby and my boy was going to do surgery! He had his Lego knife, needle ( to sew her up) and a tool to " cut the womb" and one to hold her skin open! The baby was delivered successfully and then I saw my sweet princess laying down with her new baby saying " I can't move my legs , but I have a baby!" She even had a Lego bed controller for her makeshift hospital bed! Wow, I thought that this new addition would enlighten our world, but I didn't know just how much!

Now Showing: Christine ...Unplugged

For 3 months I have been tethered like an untrainable dog to a medicine pump. It catches on everything, I have had to take extra precaution in the shower, and it has woken me up at night begging to be "fed" with yet another vial of medicine. It has been a very inconvenient lifestyle. Well, as of tomorrow morning I will be going unplugged! I am excited and regretful at the same time. I am excited to be free of the burdens that accompany this medical intervention. I can move around with out wearing a fashionable blue pouch attached to every outfit I wear. I won't have to stick myself in the belly with a new needle every 5 days. I won't have to get up in the middle of the night to change the meds or figure out why in the world the thing is beeping at me. It's freedom, something I haven't had completely since I got pregnant. But, on the other hand I'm really not looking forward to this change. ( I know...very Sybil of me~!) I know that I will have a baby soon. I'm glad and I really can't wait to meet this little one but I'm not ready. It's not because the nursery isn't complete...I haven't even started . It's not because I don't think I can handle 4 kids...piece of cake. I'm not ready for several reasons. First, I have finally gotten back to my kids and have assumed some of the mommy duties. It feels great to be giving my kids the attention that I haven't been able to give for the many weeks of my hospitalization. Also, the contractions are under control with the medicine even when I do activities. I have so , so , so much to get done before the holidays that it would be nice to "postpone" the birth as long as possible. Simple things like trying to unpack my hospital bags and clean up from under the destruction of my house, donate toys, etc. I get so winded now that each task either gets half done, not done, or takes twice as long. And finally I don't want to let go of this pregnancy because it is probably my laast time " growing " a person. I want to feel the baby's movements and kicks for as long as possible. I want to memorize everything about that feeling. It's bitter sweet. The detaching of my pregnancy life line ( my medicine) means new life and the end of a chapter. But this is what I have been working for and praying for. God has gotten my baby to full term. I look forward to being a mommy again, and if that maternal instinct hits me in the future ...I'll just get a dog.

Heck No I Won't Go!

Okay, this is the first time I have blogged without a plan. This could go anywhere. Be prepared to change topics in the blink of an eye...just thought I would warn you. I seriously think I have a problem.I feel that I am addicted to the hospital. I'm serious! I had an ultrasound yesterday and that pesky cervix that landed me here in the first place has finally decided to "straighten up and fly right" . It has grown! I am very pleased. I have prayed for this for two months now. Praise the Lord, prayers CAN be answered. Either that or those"vitamins" that the friendly nurses give me every morning really contain a secret "miracle grow " compound that they are trying out experimentally and secretively on poor unsuspecting patients! (I warned you that this post could go anywhere.) I however , choose to believe in divine intervention. One would expect me to be dancing, packing my bags, and saying " so long room 424!", but I'm not. I even had a doctor come in and ask " So, you want to go home?". I quickly told him in a high pitched , squeaky stressed out voice not to pressure me ! I think he got a little scared.He told me the look on my face was one filled with anxiety. I think saying I showed a little "anxiety" was putting it mildly. I am almost certain it was the look of a woman holding on by her teeth , ready to snap and lose it at any moment. I wasn't at all surprised when he made a quick exit! I probably looked like the girl form the Exorcist! Don't get me wrong, I want to go home. I miss my family. But....to tell you the truth, I'm scared.It seems like every 30 minutes I am changing my mind about what I should do. I don't make decisions well. Never have, never will.It is amazing that I am such a high functioning adult. I would never be able to play "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" because having to say that something is definitely my "final answer" is just to much of a commitment. I'm pathetic. My nurses, my husband, and various friends tell me that a couple more weeks here won't hurt. Obviously what I am doing is working and who knows what would happen if I went home and got thrown back into the crazy environment that I live in. At home I would still be on bed rest, but it would be noisy, someone would constantly want my attention, and I would be expected to have at least SOME responsibilities. All of that is enough to make a woman contract! I'm not really a bad mother, honestly. In fact, I would say I'm pretty good. It's not that I don't want to do all those things at home its just that ...being in the hospital is ...well...kind of nice. In the hospital I see adults EVERY day. They are nice people too who genuinely seem to enjoy my company as well. ( Of course maybe when they leave my room and go back to the nurses station they have a different story to tell, who knows) . I get my food brought to me. Granted I don't really like the food, but it is food and I don't have to feel like I am putting anyone out to get it. My bed gets changed constantly thanks to the nighttime "bed police", I have a constant supply of water and ice, and my room gets cleaned.... everyday! ( My room at home almost never gets cleaned because it is the last on my list!) I kind of feel like a princess. The only difference is that I rarely get to feel the wind on my face and my room feels smaller everyday. I guess that would make me lean a little more toward the Rapunzel instead of Cinderella on the princess scale. Another thing that I'm sure a princess doesn't encounter is the fact that there are people who walk through my door early in the morning and late at night. I can definitely say that when I was living on my own I never had a strange man stand over my bed first thing in the morning to ask me if I was "leaking, bleeding, or cramping". If there had been I would have probably gotten all crazy and pulled a kickboxing move on the guy. ( I took kick boxing for a short time in college...I also took Irish dancing, so maybe I would do a little Riverdance on the strangers face. Either way, it wouldn't be pretty). I feel like a fraud staying here. I feel like everyone is talking about me and how I should just go home. At any minute I am sure that someone will come in screaming about how I am just an attention grabber and that I should go home so that someone who REALLY needs the bed can have it! I know, I know...I'm sorry. I promise to go to confession about this...its very stressful. I feel like I'm living a lie. But, on the other hand, should I really care? I'm paying for the privilege to be here and if I need a little , tiny bit more time to grow my baby in the quiet environment of the hospital so be it! My goal has always been to take this baby home with me when it is born. I would hate to leave too early where my baby would have to spend even a day in the hospital without me! And, if on the day I am discharged, I walk to my open door with the whole free world before me and I just stand there with a blank look on my face, its okay. If someone needs to get behind me and push a little that's okay too. As a busy mom I get so little time to myself, and while this was not exactly how I would have liked to spend my free time at least I can say it was definitely all to myself.

Don't Sweat the Sweet Stuff...

Gluclose Tolerance Day! Oh joy of joys! Gluclose Testing is the one thing every pregnant woman must endure and no one looks forward to . It's right up there with stretch marks, extra unwanted hair, and swollen ankles. It's a right of passage if you will. I don't want to over glamorize it, because it was definately not a day I was looking forward to . I was hoping since I was in the hospital they would overlook the fact that I needed to get the testing done. Curses on them for doing their job! My testing day started first thing in the morning. A lab technician came in , took my blood and handed me the nice 10 oz. bottle of flavored sugar water. They flavored it orange to make those of us who don't know any better ( first time moms) think that it would be a nice fruity drink.It's much like the trick that nurses do when they give you a shot. They say they are going to count to three, but lucky you gets the big old needle on two! That kind of deception will only work once! Since I am an old hat at this pregnancy thing I knew exactly what my little "morning beverage" would taste like. I immediately tried to do some damage control. I asked for a cup of ice. For some reason this repulsive concoction tastes better cold. I have no idea why, but I knew that if ice would help me keep this junk down, then ice I would get! The pleasant technician gladly supplied me with my ice cup. Just then, the technician leaned against the wall, crossed her arms and said " I need to watch you drink that." She went from friendly to intimidateing. I immediately felt like a prisoner doing a random drug test with someone making sure I wasn't smuggling in "clean pee"! A rational mind would say that there is no way someone was worried that I would tamper with the results( how could I?) , but my pregnat mind started to sweat! Was she staring me down? Will she watch my every move? Suddenly the simple little act of drinking a super sugary drink became very stressful. I reluctantly began to drink , partially because I wanted it over with, and partially because I was scared of the guard...uh...technician. The stuff tasted like snow cone syrup without the snowcone. It has more sugar than anyone should put in their body at one time. Since I was guzzling my drink painfully slow it gave me time to think of all the ways someone could create the same effect as the gluclose testing, but by more pleasurable means. I came up with three great ideas! You could eat two Krispy Kreme donuts, a double scoop waffle cone from Bruster's icecream, or one big glass of Sweet Tea from Mc Allister's Deli. I would have the testing every week if they needed me to just to have those treats! I vowed right then and there that if I made it through this test in one piece I would write a letter to someone telling them of my idea so that other innocent mothers wouldn't have to suffer. Who knows, I could radically change the way prenatal care is given from this day forward. I would be a hero to all the pregnant women of the world! Maybe I was procrastinating enough with the daydreams so I pulled my head out of the clouds and came back to reality and the task at hand. Getting the drink down and keeping it down. When I was finished, I looked at the tech and said " All done". I paused after saying that because I was unsure if this situation warrented me opening my mouth and sticking my tounge out at the tech so that she could verify that I did indeed swallow the mixure and wasn't just holding it in my cheeks. But, I made a quick judgement call and decided to keep my mouth shut. I did , however, look down at my "empty " cup only to find that the ice cubes that I had demanded were tinged orange signifying that there were a few drops remaining. I am sure my eyes immediately got shifty. I was afraid that I would get caught, so I did what anyone would do in that situation. I changed the subject, hid the evidence , and takled a little louder than normal to hide my guilt! She never even questioned me, can you believe it? I must be a pretty good actress. She said she would come back in exactly an hour to take my blood again. If she passed the hour mark the test would be considered null and void and I would have to do it again!There was NO way I was going to let that to happen! If I had to pull my poor atrophied body out of my bed, hunt her down,and drag her back by her hair she would be on time. I know it sounds harse, but I'm just passionate. Passionate about how much I hate gluclose testing and do not want to repeat it! One hour to the minute that I had finished my "drink" the tech showed up . Boy was she lucky, because if I had gotten out of the bed, I would have....I would have...I would have ...(sigh) done nothing. Frankly I'm scared that the nurses would yell at me if they saw me open my door. But, if she had been late she surely would've gotten a displeased look from me and that would have said it all! Having survived the testing I decided to reward myself with some breakfast. I picked up a piece of cinnamon bread that my mother in law had made me and took a bite. Even though it was delicious, I stopped in mid chew. I suddenly realized what a horrible mistake I was makiing. I was putting more sugar into an already saturated body! I had visions of my innards crystalizing into rock candy! I carefully put down the bread and called my nurse for a much safer alternative....saltines and peanut butter. Not the breakfast of champions, but at least it wouldn't put me into a sugar coma! When my nurse came in to deliver my provisions she asked if I wanted to do my contraction monitoring while I ate.Uh...let me think about that....NO! The last thing I wanted to do was feed my baby a zillion times its body weight in sugar, strap it down to a machine and see if it irritates my uterus enough to contract.I'm not traditionally a betting woman, but I'd say it probably would. I know that when my kids are all loopy from sugar they tend to irritate me,I can't imagine my uterus being much different! So, I passed on the monitoring knowing I had all morning to accomplish that task and decided that I was going to stay far, far away from sugar for as long as I could. I would be strong. I needed to cut out excess sugar anyway, it wasn't healthy. I was excited to be turning over a new leaf! I lasted until lunch!

73

That's the number of ceiling tiles in my hospital room. It only took me three weeks to get bored enough to count. I'm keeping so busy here, I don't have time to get bored often. Each day starts at exactly 7:30 am with doctors coming to make rounds. Since I don't like the idea of people creeping up on me while I'm sleeping ( I've seen too many horror flicks) I set an alarm and get up and dressed before they come. This usually works, except for that day when a doctor had come to the hospital to perform a c-section and decided to make rounds a little early. I understood, why go home just to come back a few hours later.But, did she HAVE to do it at 4:30 a.m.? While I found this surprise visit a little disturbing and annoying it did shake up my day. See what I mean about never a dull moment? After the doctors do their rounds the morning festivities begin. I get my morning treats...a vitamin and a ...uh..."poo"pill. I am so favored by the nursing staff that they slip me a second "poo" pill at night. Now, if you asked them I'm sure they would say it was doctor's orders, but I can't verify that information. I think they are trying to cover with that story. I'm sure they would get in trouble if they showed too much favoritism to one patient. After my lovely "treats" I get my blood pressure and temperature taken . This happens 4 times a day. I have been observing my various nurses to see if anyone has unique method to this procedure, but have yet to find one. Then the nurses listen to the baby's heartbeat and strap me down to monitor for contractions. Hearing the heartbeat is awesome, but sometimes the unexpected can happen. One night, while listening to little baby Frank my nurse, my husband, and I'm sure the lady next door were treated to something unexpected, intestinal noises! Now, we've all been there before...your stomach growls or your intestines "creak" utterly embarrassing you because you are sure that everyone around you can hear. Imagine , if you will those sounds being broadcast over a speaker! I'd be lying if I said it wasn't embarrassing, beccause it was...very. One thing for sure it definately was NOT boring! Another fun thing that I get to do each day is order my meals. I order three meals a day from a very impressive looking black menu , which I've memorized. It's all very upscale, please.control your jealousy. Ordering meals is always an adventure.Even though I'm careful to order things that I know have a high probability of tasting okay, sometimes I'm wrong. Twenty-five percent of the time I don't even get what I've ordered. They often leave things off or substitute items. I think the cafeteria staff does that for our best interest. They want to shake things up and break up the monotony of the day. I appreciate the thought, I do , but the last thing you want to mess up is a pregnant lady's food order! One day I ordered green beans. I was trying to be mindful of my nutritional needs. When I opened up the container holding my vitamin rich green beans I was livid to find that it was filled instead with ...apple cobbler! I wanted to call someone and explain to them that my baby needed its green vegetables not this sugary concoction that was in my bowl. But, since I do have quite a bit more time here I didn't' want to rock the boat so I ate the cobbler. But I didn't like it! Okay...I did. How could someone possibly get bored when all this excitement is happening around them day after day? Wednesdays are extra special for me here in the hospital and I can tell the nursing staff thinks they are special too. Wednesdays are shot days. The shot is intended to keep me from going into preterm labor, but I think they have healing properties for everyone. My usual Wednesday nurse can come in looking tired and worn out, but put that shot in her hand and she comes alive! On more than one occasion she has come into my room smiling and dancing! It gets me excited for the shot too. I tell you it is such an uplifting experience that I think we should let all the tired or depressed people in the world to walk around with a syringe full of progesterone. It would do wonders and possibly bring about world peace. Of course, one could say that the more obvious reason for her mood change has nothing to do with the shot itself, but the joy of inflicting pain on another human being. I am not so sure that stabbing people in the bum is the best outlet, but if it can make her happy I'm glad I can be there to help. Nothing is predictable in this crazy rabbit hole. I swear even the clocks are in on the fun. I swear that sometimes the clocks are not just slow ...the go backwards. I will look at the clock and see 3:30, an hour later I'll check again and it's still 3:30! Now I've come up with a few theories for this . 1.I desperately need more practice with analog clocks. 2. My eyes are just terribly weak from the pregnancy. or 3.) Somehow this hospital is stuck in some kind of time warp. I haven't decided which one is more plausible. I'm saving that to do tomorrow. So, as you can see, life in the hospital is exciting and unpredictable and I only have about 1 1/2 months left to enjoy it. For now I will soak up every crazy moment. Here is my plan for the next few weeks...Eat , Pray, Love. I will EAT any chocolate that comes my way. I will PRAY that I stay pregnant and that my family stays safe, and I will LOVE the fact that I ( at least for a little while ) don't have to empty the dishwasher!

The Origin of Human Stress

( This post was written about 7 or 8 months ago...) It's 7am , my room is dark and cozy. I'm wrapped up in my nest of pillows I create each night to support my ever growing belly when "WHAM! " the door flies open, a doctor appears and she turns on the fluorescent lights directly over my head! I immediately went from warmth and happiness to bright lights, noise, and annoyance! It definitely got my blood going and gave me something to grumble about the rest of the morning. This "rude awakening" gave me great empathy for the poor baby growing in my belly. It's happy and content. It's got prime reality. It's warm, dark, quiet...perfect. But in three months my little peanut will be evicted without warning and forced to face the cold, bright, noisy world! No wonder babies cry when they are born...its not just about taking their first breath, they are ticked off! What a way to enter the world, mad and stressed. This,I'm afraid, is only the beginning. Being a human is stressful. From the moment of birth you are trying to live up to others expectations . We all know that the first thing the doctors give a newborn baby is a score. It's not in the world but one tiny minute and it is already being judged! You see there just isn't any way we can escape the pressure to be great, its forced upon us. I wonder if over achievers and underachievers are formed right there, in that moment, depending on their APGAR score.Hmmm...something to think about. If being born is difficult just wait, it just gets progressively harder. Now the newborn is expected to learn ...everything! They have to learn to hold their heads up, recognize people, smile, eat, control their body spasms, and figure out what day and night are all about. It's no wonder babies cry so much , its an overwhelming amount of responsibility for such a tiny person. It's not fair if you ask me. Human beings are at the top of the food chain, a superior species. You would think that we could get a break and be born knowing how to do something right off the bat. Giraffes fall from their mother and can walk almost immediately. I don't think we look too superior! Why does it take us SO long to learn things? I think secretly all the other animals God has created are probably laughing at us for being such slow learners! Of course we can laugh right back, because , although it may feel like it at times, we don't live in zoos, we don't have to kill our dinner every night, and we have those cool opposable thumbs! So there wild kingdom! I think I know the reason why we don't remember too much until after we are 2 years old. The reminder of how hard it was in the beginning would throw us into a tailspin and make us completely incapacitated.No one would want to go on! God knew what he was doing-he gave us natural anesthesia. Sometimes I wish it didn't wear off when I was a toddler. I could use it now and then. But I do have a substitute and its name is chocolate! Okay, so the baby survived tummy time with its face pressed into the Boppy . Now its on to bigger things. Sitting , grabbing, rolling over, pulling up ( are we raising people or circus animals with all of these tricks?),feeding its self ,walking, falling, walking again, talking, learning to not pee on themselves, the list goes on and on and on. It is such a good thing that children are mental sponges and relatively good multitaskers. They have to keep all that new info they learn filed away in their little mental file cabinets. Granted,the cabinets are pretty empty so its easy to recall the info. (My "file cabinet", on the other hand, is a mess. I'm a clutter bug and have so much in there that I can't find what I'm looking for half the time! Things are never "stored" where they should be ...much like my house.Sometimes it amazes me that I walk and chew gum at the same time!) If you made a list of all the things that you are expected to know or do in your life it would be quite long, I'm sure. It's enough to make you shudder. Do you think I could have my baby born in the dark, immediately wrapped in a Snuggi, with teeny tiny earphones placed on its head? I just want the first minutes of life to be comfortable before it gets thrown to the lions. Humans have so much stress that we don't realize. ( Can you imagine? I have so much stress that I DO realize!) But, we have to remember that God won't give us more than we can handle, we are strong. And when it feels like we are about to crumble we can remember one very important thing God has done for us....He gave us chocolate.

My U. I. ( Unfortunate Incarceration)

" Nobody knows the trouble I've seen..." It was bound to happen, my incarceration that is. My body had not been behaving and had put me on bed rest( aka minimum security) for a week. I thought that as long as we were good prisoners and "Ms. Cerv." stayed out of trouble we would be just fine. Bed rest at home wasn't so bad. I could still micromanage my family from across the house. No problem! I'd hear a loud crash and I'd yell "What was that ? Are you okay?" Knowing full well I couldn't help. The toilet in the hall outside my bedroom would flush, but the faucet wouldn't go on so I'd yell " Wash your hands! Wash your hands!" like a maniac until SOMEONE complied. But, even being a model " inmate" I knew my dream of minimum security was going down the drain. Every time I was granted "leave" for a doctor's appointment I would pack my bag and kiss my babies...just in case. This last week , while sitting with the warden ...uh...doctor I was told the bad news. "Ms. Cerv." was up to her old tricks and it was going to land me in the hospital...the big house...maximum security! I cried and cried at the warden hoping for some leniency . He said I may be granted parole in a few days. I reluctantly went. I got my prison bracelet, prison uniform, and the all comfy prison bed. The Four Seasons this was not! Of course never having been the Four Seasons I can't really compare. A few days went by, my contractions stopped and the doctor was ready to sign my release. I said " Not yet!". The hospital is no fun, but at least it is safe. I wanted another ultrasound before I was ready to face society again as a free citizen.The news was a little better after the last ultrasound, but still not out of the scary zone. Here it is quiet. I can get in and out of bed with out the help of a step stool. I don't stress( too much) about what is going on in my house..besides we'll just have a boot camp when I get home to undo any damage. I don't have to sit in the doctor's office 3-6 hours for an appointment and best of all I'm giving my baby ...God's gift...a chance at survival. So for now, I will bang my plastic cup against my bed rails, sing my sad songs , and keep a tally of my days served. For my baby's sake I hope it is a long sentence. As for me, some may worry that I will lose my mind, but those who know me well know that it was lost years ago!